You are viewing [info]saintscribble's journal

 
been there done that | aww | Share | on the agenda
 
saintscribble
saintscribble
13 July 2005 @ 09:23 pm
its not you its...... me.  
So lateley I have been being all emo and sad over failed relationships. Yeah, it's retarded, but fuck you. =)
I am getting pretty goddamned sick of hearing the same excuse every time too. And it IS always the same thing, or a variation on the theme. The latest one hit me particularly hard, (I'm looking at you Bruce) because he wasn't being honest with me, and now he's being all dumb, which I would not have expected from a friend. I'm not pissed about the relationship ending really, but it seems pretty much IMMEDIATLEY after me, he was dating someone else. Who, by the way is all sorts of awesome, they both are, but what the fuck did he even bother with me for if he was just going to jump? That's what hurt. Bah.

Its pretty much the same with everyone else too. With Kevin when he cheated, we "took a break" because he thought he wasn't making me happy and he needed some time to figure out how he could do that. (hint: not fucking crazy whores is a step in the right direction) After I took him back when his failed venture didn't pan out, it was "it's not you, its me". Then after another 6 months of not seeing him when we were in the same room together, I left. It was him. I still miss him. A LOT. Fuck.

This isn't as easy to deal with as I had hoped.

Austin. Oh geez. I loved that boy to bits. Still do. Probably differentley than he hoped(s?) but I hope he finds what he's looking for. Another "It's not you its me" scenario.

Christ. So, I'm guessing that this "its not you its me" thing is statistically bullshit, because the odds do not stack up right. I happen to know for a fact that I am not that good looking compared to other people. Fuck, Jackie is way hotter, hands down, and so was Alison, and probably so was the girl Austin hooked up with. No problem.
Fine.

But what about everything else? Since I generally wind up being the broken up with one, it would fucking be nice if somebody would tell me WHAT exactly the fuck it is I'm doing to run you people off. Not any of this "I didn't wanna hurt your feelings" bullshit, because that just makes it worse. I like a little honestey. See, if you TELL me what the hell it is I'm doing, I can NOT do it in the next relationship and then not have to keep hearing this goddamn line.

For fucks sake. I don't like loose ends. Somebody gimmie some input so I can stop obsessing about it.
 
 
state of mind: blahblah
 
10 comments | blablabla
 
( 10 comments — blablabla )
(Deleted comment)
saintscribble[info]saintscribble on July 14th, 2005 11:34 am (UTC)
Well, I figured that much, but seriously. I mean, What the christ? Thats all I want to hear, just be like, " yeah sorry, its you, we just arent clicking?" RRRAAGH.
(Deleted comment)
saintscribble[info]saintscribble on July 14th, 2005 02:20 pm (UTC)
its okay, mysoginist jokes make me laugh. Seriously. =)
Destruction[info]gatdula on July 14th, 2005 03:52 pm (UTC)
"it's not (just) you, it's me (too)."

it takes two to make a relationship work. and it takes two to make it end. the responsibility can't lay all on one person's shoulders. the dynamic of a relationship can go wrong for any of countless reasons, on both sides. but in the end, it just didn't work. if one person wasn't happy/satisfied/content for any reason, the other would (eventually) have felt the same way too. and however hard it may be to understand for a time, parting ways was for the best.

i'm sorry that it's so difficult for you to move on right now. but remember that it's important to honor the feelings you're having. it's important to move through the pain in order to come out the better and the stronger for it on the other side. the pain is there for a reason and it has much to teach us.

*hug*
saintscribble[info]saintscribble on July 14th, 2005 04:34 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I have a vauge notion of how that is, but I want specifics. Nobody ever speaks up when there's something to be fixed.
Destruction[info]gatdula on July 14th, 2005 05:54 pm (UTC)
i think that what we have to learn from our relationships is different for each of us. we learn about ourselves: what we did, what we didn't do, what we could have done, what we should have done, why we handled things the way we did, why we attract the people that we do...

you can speculate all you want about the other person, but ultimately, all your conclusions, answers and insights point right back to you. our speculations are based on what we understand of ourselves. and how we understand ourselves is the basis of how we understand and relate to others. this may mean that our understanding of others is flawed at best. it can also mean that in many ways, all of us are more alike that we realize. i guess what i'm trying to say is that there are no easy answers. i'm still discovering things about my old relationship years after it ended.

but the better we come to understand ourselves, the more we'll be able to grow and evolve until we attract the people that are trul good for us and are who we want in our lives, and we are ready to fully appreciate and enjoy them in our lives.

most of the time people don't speak up because they don't know what's wrong, let alone how to fix it.

(note that my replies are just as much for my own sake as anything else...:p they help me straighten out my thoughts)
saintscribble[info]saintscribble on July 14th, 2005 06:00 pm (UTC)
well, its not so much THEM I'm speculating about, its me, and what I am doing to fuck it up. It HAS to be me.
The Disillusionist a.k.a. Da-Skepticon: Decepticon[info]squarecircle on July 14th, 2005 10:19 pm (UTC)
I don't have enough information to provide you with anything I wold term as a satisfactory response. There are too many variables.

For example, I could only justify breaking up with you if I actually broke up with you, which would require dating you, which iisn't the case, which is all terribly obvious.

But, moving on. Even were I to have hypothetically broken up with you any justification I might have for my decision would be exclusive to that specific situation. In other words, while I would be able to speak for myself I wouldn't really be able to speak for any other guy.

I will disagree with grady on the question of testicular fortitude. The decision to provide some false pretence as a basis for terminating a relationship is hardly a question of 'bravery' or conmmitment to honesty. False pretence is often a shortcut. We often take the ath we do because it offers us the least resistance or conflict. If I want to terminate a relationship becasue I cannot get over how saggy a womans breasts are and I concoct some alternative rationalle that will serve the same end (termination of the relationship) without inflicting harm or discomfort on that other person is that a question of testicular fortitude, or tactful courtesy?

(note that while the example in this case is physical in nature a similar rationalle can apply to any hangup that 'you can't really do anything about'. Familly history, developmental backgroud, handicap et al)

On the other hand, if the hangup IS something that can be talked through and discussed through open and clear communication and I choose not to take THAT path out of indifference or fear, then I'm either and asshole or an idiot and you probably ought not be dating me anyway.

On still another hand there will be cases in which the problem canb be discussed and you won't be able to resolve the issue, in some of those cases the relationship will have to end, but in these situations both parties are already going to be aware of what the other person's deal is.

As far as gat's comments go, I'm enclined to agree, though I would add that sometimes the pain we face shows itself to be nothing more that superfluous.

Lastly, does it have to be you? Why?
saintscribble[info]saintscribble on July 15th, 2005 03:25 am (UTC)
Its gotta be me fucking up, because nobody ever says anything but "Its not you its me," and that can't be true 99% of the time. Plus, when I get broken up with, 98% of the time, they all wind up with someone like, a week after, most of the time with many of the characteristics I have, only cuter or closer to them. Therefore, by process of elimination, thats the best thing I can come up with.
I HAVE to be the one fucking up somewhere, and nobody ever tells me what the reason is. Maybe I DO have saggy tits. Somebody tell me. Really.
I would just like to know, y'know, for learning purposes.
( 10 comments — blablabla )